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You never know when you’re being watched

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I’m trying to stay hep or hip with my fashions, and now I’m feeling insecure.

(Not that it matters a whole lot to me, but it really bugs my children when we talk about it ... or they talk about it.)

I have always been a cut-off/sleeveless kind of Fella in the summer and a sweatshirt/hoodie kind of Fella from Thanksgiving to the first track meet in the spring.

Throw in my hunting gear, which is mostly camouflage, and I’m set for an entire year, at least one would think.

The Darling Wife and our daughter, Mikenzie, are the only two people on the planet I worry about when I get dressed in the morning, or whenever I’m going “out.”

Going “out” normally consists of some type of ball game and my attire is normally a comfort issue, but there are times, such as state events and the like, that I could possibly embarrass the Darling Wife and Mikenzie because other people would see me. either at the event or on TV which would be covering the event.

Damn the streaming and everyone’s desire to see events, it used to be limited to state tournaments, for which the Darling Wife and Mikenzie were always consulted and my clothes set out. Now, with all the streaming venues, I never know when I’ll be on television and when I need to look good ... again, if at all. Actually for me, as mentioned above, I really don’t care. My goodness, I have the Darling Wife already, I don’t care what I look like, as long as I’m comfortable.

But, believe it or not, the Darling Wife and Mikenzie care what I look like when I go out into the public’s eye.

I’ll preface all of what will follow with the fact, my “green” is yellow to the Darling Wife and Mikenzie, my blue is gray and my orange could be red by my standards.

This really doesn’t matter to me as I think I’m not going to “match” colors regardless.

I don’t care if I have yellow and orange, green and blue, black and blue ... it just doesn’t matter.

But, after I take a photo of what I’m intending to wear for one of these “big” occasions, I get feedback from either the Darling Wife or Mikenzie.

Mikenzie’s feedback usually starts with, “Dad, you’re not wearing that.”

My response is usually, “Why not?” Then she responds with a comment about how I look and that usually leads to a comment about me being an idiot.

The Darling Wife is not so nice about it. Very hurtful words about what I was thinking and why I would wear that dumb as.. stuff in public.

It really did hurt my feelings, but then I got over it. I went to state volleyball in my favorite three sweaters. I went to state football in my hunting camouflage, including the boots, and I wore shorts and a sleeveless to state cross country.

My favorite sleeveless, by the way, which is a sleeve-removed AC/DC shirt given to me by our son, Mason, and his wife, Stephanie, for Father’s Day.

Every Father’s Day, Mason and Stephanie get me a couple of t-shirts, usually band-related, and a pair of scissors so I can “adjust” the shirt before I wear it.

I got away with the sleeveless at state cross country with no repercussions, the volleyball trip, I wasn’t so lucky.

Mikenzie called me during a semifinals match and said, and I quote, “Dad, what are you wearing, did Mom approve of that before you left? What were you thinking.”

I mean come on, I was working, for crying out loud, and to be accosted via cell phone while I was that busy really, really, well, made me laugh.

I continue to bother the Darling Wife and our children, even when I’m miles away from them.

By the time my volleyball day was over, Mikenzie had shared a “screen shot” of me on TV wearing what I consider to be one of my top three sweatshirts/sweaters — a nice gray, pullover type sweatshirt/sweater with what I call a “floppy” collar that can be buttoned up to “choke” level or worn the way I was wearing it, with the collar down ... much more comfortable.

Good heavens, I even had my matching, black, “Frederick Peak” golf hat on which was a Father’s Day gift from our son, Maxwell, and his wife, Chelsea.

So really, if I dress to the point of embarrassing the Darling Wife and her offspring, stop giving me all of these clothes.

What am I supposed to do, hang them in my closet to just hang there?

I have a whole wardrobe of those button up shirts and flannel shirts already in there, so unless someone who isn’t the Darling Wife or Mikenzie says my attire is distracting, I’m sticking to what I know.

After all, you know what they say, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Right?

Mike Renning is a sports reporter and occasional columnist with the Cedar County News.